I consider myself a Halloween connoisseur. I'm obsessed. I've been planning my costume since June, and as soon as October rolls around and AMC starts playing all those old school horror and Halloween movies - forget about it! Try and drag me away from Ghostbusters or Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original of course) and I'll probably bite you. I dance through the Halloween aisle at Target, frequent costume stores and make trips to the Farmer's Market just to visit the pumpkins. Halloween done right can be the most fun night of the year!!
I do have, however, two personal rules of Halloween etiquette that MUST be followed if you're gonna roll with a seasoned Halloween pro like myself:
1. For heaven sakes, get a costume.
There is no one worse than that guy who shows up to the party dressed in regular clothes. I mean, it's a Halloween party and you think you're too cool to dress up? I have news for you "cool guy," you look ridiculous in your khakis and polo standing there between Wonder Woman and that Wookie. Don't be a tool. Dress up and embrace the fun of thinking outside the box for a couple of hours. Trust me buddy, you'll thank me for this little tip later, when you're dancing with that hot Nurse over there instead of drinking your beer while standing off to the side ALONE.
And ladies, I don't mean lingerie is a costume. If slutty works for you then it isn't much of a costume is it? Put the bunny ears away and think of something a bit better ok? You don't want to end up going home with khaki boy ... you can be sexy without looking like you're just gonna give it away.
2. Stay away from fad costumes.
I made a list of this year's most cringeworthy costumes to help you out with this. I know it's tempting and you think some are clever, but trust me, ok? You'll just look like you're trying too hard.
• Jon & Kate. This seems like a no-brainer, but I heard that her stupid weed wacker haircut wig is selling out nationwide. Personally, if I see you dressed as either of these assholes, I will punch you in the face. What's worse than actually being one of these idiots? Emulating them!
• The Balloon Kid. Like this crackhead family needs any more freakin attention.
• Octomom. Same comments as Jon & Kate, with the added zing of "that was soooo last year."
• Michael Jackson. Bad taste, and EVERYBODY's gonna be doing it. Don't tarnish the legacy of Thriller like that. Just don't.
• Any political figure. Lazy and boring - what, are you trying to rob a bank? Put the mask down slowly and walk away...
• Twilight characters. Because it's lame, that's why.
• Any couples costume. I know you think it's adorable, but you are making people vomit in their mouth. Trust me. Group costumes can be cool though, if you wanna go that route.
• Anything with roller skates. Enough said.
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Ok I gotta get back to the Bugs Bunny Halloween Hijinks special on Cartoon Network. I'm sure I'll post more Halloween wisdom over the next couple of days as it approaches!
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