Bros before Hos

Yesterday I had a big moment. I officially un-friended my ex on Facebook. I've decided that he's not worth my time even over such an impersonal and public media. Until yesterday, I had been holding onto the idea that we would go back to being friends. I thought, we got along so well before dating it only makes sense we should be able to again.

On the surface, it seems logical - and lots of ex-couples can manage it. I will not though. My friends are caring, trustworthy, loyal people who I value in a way I can't even describe. Do I want to include my ex in this list of VIPs? Hell no. I have one reason:

He doesn't have anybody's back.

You know, it's one thing to say nasty things about an ex, especially after a bad breakup, but when you start attacking or badmouthing your FRIENDS to anyone who will listen, you yourself are a bad friend and possibly a bad human. Over the past week or so, that's exactly what he's done (it's not his first offense either, he's got a pattern going). He's taken people who've defended him and supported him in the past, and treated them with disrespect and malice. He's cut off people who care about him without a second thought, calling them nasty names both to their faces and behind their backs.

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To be a friend is to be understanding and forgiving. Hear both sides of the story before you judge and call names. Don't go off half-cocked and spread poisonous unfounded rumors. Most of all, don't cut someone out of your life just because they pissed you off.

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So.... yeah I hit that button removing this idiot from my online life because of something that has in no way involved me (not this time anyway). It was hard to do. But if I sit back and look at how he treated me, and how he treats the people he's supposedly close to, I see someone who needs to grow up and consider that his friends aren't just props in his life. We can't be discarded for weeks at a time, then picked back up when the mood suits.

You can't chose your family. But with your friends you have an opportunity to pick people who you like being around, who support you, trust you, and can be trusted. Don't chose someone who will tear you down - get someone who will lift you up. I think that good friends and good relationships will bring out the best in you. One bad friend can ruin so many aspects of you life! Including your relationships with other people!

For the next guy, whoever he may be, I plan to look at not just how he treats me, but how he treats his friends. I want someone who has respect for all the people he surrounds himself with. I want someone who values his friendships and his friends - it looks to be a great indicator of how he'll value and respect me.