Halloween has come and gone, and left quite a bit of carnage in its wake. My apartment looks like a tornado has touched down, leaving scattered debris made of makeup, fake blood and skanky goth clothing ....
That's right folks, this weekend I dressed as my favorite Halloween cliche: the vampire.
So....
Places I've had to OxyClean fake blood since yesterday:
• The living room carpet
• The dining room carpet
• my computer mouse
• the kitchen counter
• the kitchen floor
• the couch
• the driver's side seatbelt in my car
• the gearshift in my car
• the steering wheel in my car
• pretty much all surfaces in the bathroom
• two different jackets
• my cell phone
why so much blood? well I decided to gore myself up, giving myself a nasty vampire hickey, because apparently it's more fun to be a freshly turned vamp with blood oozing out of prosthetic holes on the side of my neck. It took 2 hours, gobs of makeup, liquid latex and tacky fake blood to finally accomplish this masterpiece:
Pair that with some fang dentures and a black wig and you're got yourself a newly turned vampire.
Which brings me to my next issue: the wig. You see, I ordered my wig and on the website I had to make a tough decision. I had to pick either small or large head size. I really thought that small meant child and large was adult, but after receiving the wig in the mail and realizing that it was much much too big for my head (massive locks of red hair included) I was informed by a friend that small meant lady size and large was man... so needless to say I had a bit of a conehead in my enormous drag queen wig:
But hey, I worked it. I put on my hot-ass black dress, fishnets with the backseam and slutty red patent t-strap high high heels... so WHAT if my wig, fake eyelashes and over-the-top makeup made me look a little like I was in drag. I LOVED my costume. Trust me, I looked hella sexy as I towered over fellow partygoers and bared my (frighteningly realistic) prosthetic fangs.
Other costume issues I had while getting dressed were:
• It took 45 minutes to secure my fake eyelashes to my eyelids. It was ridiculous and I had eyelash glue boogers all over the upper half of my face before it was done.
• My outlast lipstick outlasted just about everything. I woke up this morning with red lips and couldn't figure out how to get it off. When they say outlast they aren't kidding. Good job, CoverGirl.
• The fishnets I bought were too short for me, I spent the night with the crotch of the fishnets sitting pretty at about 4" below where my actual crotch was.
But it all looked pretty good, so I suffered not in vain.
Then after the party, I got home and was so tired all I wanted to do was fall into bed (another place to clean fake blood from). That was not an option however, because of the massive amount of makeup and gore on my face and neck. I started by pulling off the latex neck wound:
Ouch:
I figured it would just be easy to shower to get all that off. But let me tell you a little something about fake blood: it STAINS YOUR SKIN. I walked around all day today looking like I had a patch of neon pink sunburn on my neck. Hopefully by tomorrow it will have faded to a more normal-looking shade.... but for now, I'll just say it was worth it! I had a great Halloween and am sad it is over... I'm already starting to plan for next year...
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