The Situation

Ok, so you know I'm no stranger to guilty pleasure TV. In my opinion though, no show is more trashy than MTV's Jersey Shore.

Now, I don't know how the show compares to the actual Jersey shore, but I know I've never seen so much blown-out hair, gold chains, leopard print spandex or orange skin in my life. Also, it's like they speak a whole different language... I've learned words like guido, guidette, juicehead, smoosh, fist-pump and Armani Exchange....

It's like the Real World on crack.

So here's the cast:

I'm seeing a visual theme here: spiky, potentially lethal hair on the guys, manicured eyebrows, billboard-sized douchebag tattoos and orange, orange skin. I'm also thinking they either live at the gym or take turns bench pressing that little fat girl. Speaking of her and the other skankarellas, I've never seen so much foul-mouthed, big-haired, scantily-clad trashiness in my life. I have to admit, seeing that little one get punched in the face was quite satisfying because every time she opens her mouth I am ashamed, on behalf of my gender.

ANYway, so I guess one of them had to go home for whatever reason, so I've compiled a list of people I deem suitable housemate replacements:

Guy Fieri, from The Food Network. He's got the hair, the jewelry, and loud mouth.... I bet he can fist-pump with the best of 'em.

Any of the Kardashians. Check the above photo out. 'Nuf said.

Frank the Entertainer, his parents, or any of his skanktarauge. Well, he DOES seem to be a chronic reality TV personality. Does the Jersey Shore house have a basement? He'll be right at home.

Matt LeBlanc. I hear he isn't doing anything right now.

Megan Fox. She's got dark hair, a sense of entitlement and diarrhea of the mouth. Perfect!

Tiger Woods. Doesn't the fallen golf star claim Italian as one of his races? and I think we've all seen him fist-pump. We also know he likes to "smoosh" skanks....

John Gosselin. So what if he's not Italian? He fits all other Guido criteria.

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If you don't like stereotypes, don't cater to them. I mean, doing a reality show on MTV is ASKING FOR IT. So I'm calling it now - the guido and guidette will be top Halloween costumes this year .... and I'm actually considering it myself. I may rub cheetos all over to recreate Snooki's tangerine glow, and shop at the nearby stripper store for JWOWW's gold spandex tube top... I mean, there is nothing sexier than looking like a fluorescent emery board with nipples right??

Yeah, it will be hot as long as I don't make that ridiculous duck face.