The wow factor

If I have learned anything from watching that VH1 show "Tough Love" it is this: men judge women by their wow factor, which does not, apparently, mean looks. In fact, the show has been explicitly clear that a man will notice a talented, smart and funny woman over one who looks like Heidi Klum.

HA.

I'm sorry, give me a second to compose myself here.

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Ok, ok. I know most men are not so shallow that they can go on looks alone. But as far as initial attraction? From what I know, men are WAY more visual than women. No, I'm not talking short skirts or boobie-bearing tops, but I don't think a man is going to approach a woman unless he likes the way she looks. Likewise, a woman is not going to respond to that man unless she likes what she sees AND hears. The show went on to illustrate in it's scripted, trite way that a man will respond to something non-visual that sets a hot woman apart from the others, called the "wow factor".

Hmmmm, ok I'll bite. I think the general idea is that your looks will reel him in, but won't keep him around. There has to be something unique there, a woman has to stand out. I mean, strippers are usually hot, but men for the most part don't want to date them because the only wow factor they assume they have is looks and well, flexibility - because of what they do for a living, they don't really have any perceived personality.

Ok so I think I'm gonna have to test this, and see if it works. Wow factors? Think I'll make another of my fantastic lists. Be prepared to be impressed:

• I am willing to rap at karaoke night

• I can run, hop, skip and jump in six inch heels

• I can moonwalk in six inch heels (this one deserved its own bullet point)

• I know more about sports than the average guy, and could probably school him in fantasy football

• I can drive a stick shift

• I have never had sex with Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, anyone from a VH1 reality show or any U.S. Senator

• I can bake like Martha Stewart

• I'm a huge fan of trivia and know a lot of useless factoids

• I paint

• I'm a huge music fan - my interests are all over the board, from Rachmaninoff to Zepplin to Jay-Z ...

Well, looking at this list, I'm not sure how to work all these things in when trying to impress someone. I guess I could wear a t-shirt that says them all, but then I would just assume the guy is staring at my gazoongas (and he very well could be, I have nice ones). A list of crap that I happen to do well isn't going to impress anybody is it? So what to do?!?

I had to use a couple of lifelines on this one - I asked a few guys what makes THEM go up to a girl in a bar, and then what keeps them interested. Well several of my guy friends did tell me that approaching a difficult thing to do - there has to be something about her that makes her approachable in addition to what she looks like. My friend Richard told me back in his single days, if a girl looked like she was laid back and having a good time, he'd be more likely to strike up a conversation. Chris told me something that initially attracts him is a cute face, but if she isn't able to keep up an intelligent conversation he'll walk away. As far as a wow factor? I don't think a girl needs to brag, or demonstrate some off-the-wall skill or talent. I really think all you have to do once a guy decides to approach and strike up a conversation is to relax and not act like a ditzy idiot. There is nothing worse than an intelligent girl who thinks it's cute to act like she's dumb as a rock. The common thread when I asked my guy friends what they think is this: a girl has to be confident, laid back, and comfortable in her own skin no matter what - and that's what will keep them around. So yeah, it starts off with visual attraction 9 times out of 10, but has to be so much more than that to last, unless you are Spencer and Heidi.

So ladies, I say just do you - and someone will like you for it, and want to stick around to find out more. This really isn't something you necessarily need to learn from a VH1 reality show, but if it points us single girls in the right direction (that direction being toward Mr. Right) then so be it.