My grown-up Christmas list

Dear Santa,

I guess you don't get many letters from grownups. Maybe it's because we can't email or text you - gotta do it the old fashioned way. The last time I wrote to you I wanted legos and a sewing machine. 8-year-old me would be appalled that my grown-up list has gotten so BORING and PRACTICAL. I want things that don't really sound like a whole lot of fun. I guess it's another thing about growing up that I didn't understand until it happened to me. I guess we learn not to wish for what we can't feasibly have ....

So this year, while I can say I want new kitchen knives, a Swiffer Wet and gift cards to the grocery store, I'd rather let my brain dream those impossible dreams like I did as a kid. I mean, is it really all that fun to put gift cards on my list? Not really. Santa, I want fun and Christmas magic!

Also, I think we need to be clear on what it means to have been good all year.... when I was 8 it just meant I listened to my parents most of the time and didn't hit or bite other little kids. I had to share my toys and not lock my little brother in the hall closet. That's about it, right? Well Santa, it's a little harder to define "good" when you're a grownup. Not locking anybody in any closet or confined space is a given, grownups don't really bite each other and we're nice to our parents because somewhere along the line it became important for everyone to get along and we found real respect for them.... that stuff is all common sense that comes with adulthood most of the time. I mean, now we have to do well at work, consider other people (not just those we're tied to in some way) pay our bills, etc. There are a lot more factors.

I guess I've been good this year most of the time. So that makes it list time right? Here we go. Draft #1 of the dream list. I want:

• Gerard Butler, wearing nothing but a stocking and a smile.

• A leopard print Snuggie. So I can watch tv, read a book and sit in my office without freezing my nips off. Maybe if you're feeling really magical and generous you will give me two of them in case Captain Butler (that's what I'm gonna call him) gets cold too.... I mean, we can't have that can we?

• An all expense paid vacation to ANYwhere ... especially HERE.

• Christian Louboutin Mad Mary Janes.

• Snow. I want to get snowed in somewhere beautiful at least once this year..... probably will have to leave Charlotte for this one.

• Hollywood to stop making Christmas Carol movies. Now THAT would be a Christmas miracle (bonus if Jim Carrey stops making movies too).

• A new NC State Athletic Director... also new football and basketball coaches, and maybe some talent on the teams.

• Johnny Depp, wearing nothing but a stocking and a smile. Or no smile, I really don't care. Guess I'll need three Snuggies.

• To star as an ass-kicking heroine in a zombie movie. Preferably one where I can wear something made entirely of tight leather.

• To have a beer with the gang at Paddy's Pub.

• Motivation to go to the gym more than once a week.

• My own Pinball machine.

Well there you go Santa. 8-year-old Merissa would be proud of this list. It shows imagination and has great potential for fun! So get on it - only 18 days left!!! Your cookies are in the oven and will be waiting for you by the fireplace, along with an ice cold glass of milk!

xoxo

M