Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Family Holidays are a minefield (part 3)

Heat-seeking old people

There are few situations where I am willing to wear shorts. This is mostly out of consideration for other people - if you look directly at my legs, you'll end up with some damaged retinas. So basically shorts are for camping, yard work, and Christmas.

Yeah I said Christmas. You know, that holiday that happens in the middle of winter?

Temperature outside: 36
Temperature inside: 82



Right now, as I type, the elderly members are in the living room (aka the fiery bowels of hell) in sweaters, hats and wrapped in blankets like adorable wrinkled little burritos. By a fire, because wearing every piece of warm clothing in the house clearly isn't enough. They are clutching hot cups of tea and swearing at the arctic temperatures.

The rest of us? Tank tops and shorts baby, and we're still sweating like we've all just run 5 miles.

Ok that may be a lie, but only because if I ran 5 miles I'd be dead or at least in need of serious rescue.

I can't imagine what the electric bill will be, but right now the only thing I want to do is stand naked in the yard so by body will stop feeling like it's melting. I asked my mom if this is what it feels like to go through "the change" - she told me even hot flashes let up once in a while.

I guess even good circulation has its drawbacks sometimes. I'm gonna go take a cold shower for the next hour.

May your old people have better sweaters than mine. Merry Christmas.

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