Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Family Holidays are a minefield (part 2)

Sleeping arrangements

Oh here we go. I don't know about you, but in my family, big holidays involve everyone piling into one house for a few days. This means sleeping arrangements have a definite hierarchy, based on who you are in the family.

Mom gets a bed, grandma gets a bed, and whatever great-aunts or uncles show up get a bed. My married brother and his family get a room….

Ok the house is NOT that big and there are more people to go…so that's when we get a little um…creative.

Last year I slept in a closet. Seriously. They put an air mattress and a blanket in the upstairs closet with THROW PILLOWS. Because they RAN OUT OF REAL PILLOWS. I am at the bottom of the sleeping arrangement hierarchy. I don't even get a couch at Christmas. Single people in their 30s tend to get crammed into corners, wherever we fit.


This year is different. My dad took pity on me and arranged for me to have a bedroom all to myself! I have to say, this has got to be one of the better Christmas presents I've ever been given. Ever. I now have a place to escape, write my dumb little blog post, and maybe even read a little. I even have a nice little view of the back yard!


So last night I was so excited about my little Christmas bedroom oasis I went to bed way before anyone else. I just could not wait for downy, silent solitude. I read, fell asleep, so far so good.

I don't know what time I woke up. I first felt something against the back of my head, and somehow my feet were dangling off the bed and hitting the floor. What the…? I woke up enough to realize I was IN A BALL AT THE FOOT OF THE BED AND ABOUT TO FALL OUT. Now, I'm generally a fairly heavy sleeper, and I don't move around much, so this was pretty confusing. I rearranged myself in a normal position in the bed and fell back asleep.

It happened twice more before morning. Twice. More.

I came downstairs this morning and my parents asked how I slept. I said "great, but the weirdest thing happened…"

Before I could continue my dad started laughing. He said "you rolled to the bottom didn't you?"

Me: "YES. What the hell is wrong with that bed dad?"

Dad: "I put it on a slope. I like to sleep on a slope."

Me: "So I'm sleeping on a ramp? Why didn't you warn me?"

Dad: "I thought it would be funny not to."

Me: "Clearly."

Dad: "So can I have my room back?"

Me: "No way man. This was still the best night of Christmas sleep I've ever had."

The End. Merry Christmas. May you not have to sleep in a closet this year :)

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