Those of you who know me have seen how little I date. I suppose that is on purpose to an extent because several people have told me that a woman has exactly the love life she wants. I don't know if that is true, but I do know that each man who's been in my life whether good or bad has been significant.... and good or bad, at some point I made the conscious choice to be with every one of them.
I don't consider my dating past to have many mistakes in it - which is funny because as I watch friend after friend get married and in some cases start popping out babies, I am still miles from the aisle. It's also funny that I started this blog with a wounded heart over some guy who didn't deserve to break it.
That first post was bred from anger and pain and frustration and I thought that yet again, I had either failed to pick well or failed as a girlfriend.... but as I reread it today I realized that my last statement was actually pretty damn strong:
"So while I proceed with caution, I still proceed."
I can't let what came before to keep me from what is ahead. That's like expecting the person behind you in line at the store to pay for your groceries. I need to use the past so that it helps propel me forward, not hold me back.... and certainly don't hold anyone in my present accountable for the actions of someone in my past.
-----
I am dating someone right now. He's quickly becoming very important to me, and I'm eager to see what happens with us. He's one-of-a-kind and brings out good things in me, and I really hope there is a future here.
We've both talked about our pasts and it seems until now, our paths and lifestyles have been very different. I don't like to think about him being close with other women, either physically or emotionally. What girl would...
...that's the struggle isn't it? I'm dating someone I might have a real future with and I've got my fingers crossed that I'm not just another future nameless ex to add to the list. I have trouble living in the present because I'm so worried about how the past will affect everything.
"So while I proceed with caution, I still proceed."
-----
I have a point to make I promise. Today I had an epiphany and it made my whole outlook clearer. It made me relax and just know in my heart that everything, no matter what happens, will work out for the best and BOTH of us will be better because of it.
Seriously, I should be applauded for my own genius and maturity. I am like a hot ginger version of Yoda.
I will never be a nameless, faceless ex, because none of us have any of those. Each person any of us have ever had in our lives has played a part, good or bad, in who we are today. It doesn't matter what they did to you, how they made you feel, or how intimate you ever were. What matters is that every ex, date, and one night stand has helped mold each of us. They've also helped us figure out what we want.
So if my boyfriend's exes have made him into the man he is today, I should be thanking them. So far, he motivates me to be the best possible version of myself. I can't ask for more than that can I?
Oh yeah, that he feels the same way about me... wink wink...
-----
Bottom line: there is a reason exes are exes. Not one is nameless and everyone matters in some way. Failed relationships build us - they make us stronger and they help us figure out what we want.
No comments:
Post a Comment