Tuesday, June 5, 2012

It's a numbers game….unless you don't know the difference between your and you're

Meeting people is tough. Meeting a decent guy to date? Tougher. The older I get, the less luck I seem to have meeting someone good. Men are like shopping carts - once you find one without a squeaky wheel, some other bitch is already pushing it around the store.

Sigh. I hate the dating game, and actually like being single. OK I don't mind being single. There are definitely ups and downs.

OK I'd really like to meet someone good and start a relationship.

I'll cut to the chase now. Sigh.

I joined an online dating site.

I have been in the world of online dating for 24 hours. I have received emails, comments on my photos, and something called "winks" which I believe to be first cousins with Facebook's "poking", one of the stupidest concepts ever if you are older than 12.

You can tell who's been on there a while with no luck because their profiles are decidedly grouchy and full of what other people are doing wrong. Yeah, because whining on a dating site is oh so attractive. I do see cause for frustration on some fronts though....but instead of putting them on my profile, I decided to list them here.

Even though I'm new to this, I have some suggestions for online daters....namely the men who's profiles I've been browsing. Follow these suggestions and you might have more luck guys:

• Don't post photos you took in the bathroom mirror. Bathrooms aren't sexy, and I can't see your face if your damn phone is in front of it. 

The reaction you aren't getting from a girl:
"Oh look at those abs! I don't mind the toilet and pile of laundry in the background as long as the rest of his face matches the 20% that isn't covered by his phone!"

• Use complete sentences, grammar and punctuation. I've been getting emails that are nothing but lower case streams of consciousness and it's ridiculous. "Ur" is not "your" and if you're trying to get me to go out with you, use a fucking capital letter once in a while. I'm not going to respond to something that looks ignorant and lazy that I'm going to have to decipher.

The reaction you aren't getting from a girl:
"Wow you must have really wanted to talk to me quickly, since what you've sent is a frantic jumble of letters! How sweet!"

• Don't post photos that a girl has clearly been cut out of. Are you serious? There are way too many of these. Way. Too. Many. I'd almost prefer the bathroom photo.

The reaction you soooooo aren't getting from a girl:
"She's probably his sister."

• Listing yourself as "athletic build" when clearly the only sport you've played in a while is beer pong. That's not a 6-pack honey, it's a keg. No matter what you look like you can find someone, but if you lie that's another ballgame. Lying ain't sexy.

The reaction you aren't getting from a girl:
Yeah I'm not gonna post a reaction for this one. Draw your own conclusions.

• Know how tall you actually are. It's common knowledge in the female world that men have a loose grasp on the concept of inches. I'm 6-0" and if I go on a date expecting a guy who's as tall or taller than me and he's actually more like 5-9"…..it's going to be awkward. My purse is big, but I can't fit a step stool in it.

The reaction you aren't getting from a girl:
"I have to sit down when we kiss but that's ok."

• Don't post a photo from 10 years ago. Just don't. None of us look like we did 10 years ago and that's ok. Misrepresenting yourself in any way just isn't going to get you anywhere.


I may be a snob here, but I don't want to just have dates. I want to meet a genuine person who holds himself to a high standard of honesty and integrity. When you meet someone in person you put your best foot forward and try to make a good impression, and to me it's important to do that online too.