The other day I received some startling news: Louis Vuitton has added condoms to their fall line-up. This is not a joke people. If you are horny and rich, this is the safe sex you always dreamed of.
Prepare to cash in what's left of your 401K, because these condoms cost $68 apiece. $68!?!?! Are you kidding me? I'm sure there's a joke about inflation in there somewhere....
Is there an optional shoulder strap?
Um, what recession?
I suppose you wear one of these bad boys when you don't want to come, you want to arrive, right? I bet Kanye has one on right now just for the hell of it, with a woman's blouse or something.
$68 eh? It seems like they were off on their price point by one dollar....or maybe it's $68 and one to grow on.....
...Or you can man up and go get a box of Trojans, instead of blowing your wad on one condom. Maybe she's gonna want to have sex more than once - and trust me, washing and reusing is not an option no matter what you paid.
So don't be the guy who can't rise to the occasion because he has buyers remorse.
OK I'm done here. These puns are making my face hurt. I will leave you with the only thing I possibly can to wrap this up: