The Sound of Silence...zombies…and Led Zeppelin

Or - everyone is still on vacation but me.

Today I am the only person at work. I have nothing work-related to do. Nothing. It's quiet and cold and I can hear my hair growing, so today has definitely been one of those days where it pays to be able to amuse myself.

Hell, I even had extra energy because I got up early and drug my overly curvy ass to the gym before work. In the FREEZING COLD. So here, in a nutshell, was my day.

7:45am
Arrive at the gym. Sit in the locker room for 10 full minutes, coat on, waiting to thaw.

Go to an elliptical, set it for hills, 15 minutes, on level 8….which I ended up bumping down to level 5 after the first two minutes.

Get water.

Aimlessly wander around…eventually completing a full lap around the machines, do one set of assisted pull-ups.

Get water.

Motivate to do one set each of a couple of machines that look like they actually DO belong in a gym and not a Saw movie.

Get water.

Go to locker room, making sure to squeeze butt while walking, as an attempt to trick myself into thinking I'm exercising.

Shower, get ready for work.

9am (OK who am I kidding…9:15am):
Arrive at work. Sit in cubicle, coat on, for 20 minutes, staring at blank computer screen.

Get coffee. Loudly curse the person who has made a pot of decaf and not regular. Decaf coffee is the work of Vader, or possibly one of his minions.

Turn on computer. I still have my coat on….and add a blanket over my legs. At this point I am still convinced I will die of hypothermia, mostly because there is no one here to rescue me from such a fate by TURNING UP THE DAMN HEAT.

Check all three emails, Etsy page, bank account, Facebook and Twitter.

Do a lap around my floor, looking for humans.

11am:
I have cranked Zeppelin and am singing Misty Mountain Hop in my very best raspy rocker voice. An intern from the other side of the floor comes and asks me to please stop it. I ask him if he's the one who made the decaf coffee. He said no so I let him go unscathed.

I decide to do some online shopping for much needed bras and panties….taking full advantage of the fact that no one is around to see my screen.

Also by this point, I have to pee like a racehorse but don't want to unwrap from coat and blanket. Bah.

12:30pm:
I have ordered two bras, today's Livingsocial deal and some gourmet ketchup (don't judge me, it was on sale…also I shouldn't shop hungry) and am trying to decide whether or not I want to brave the cold for lunch.

I opt for no. Screw the cold, I'll eat here….a decision I immediately regret after completely hating the Lean Cuisine I had packed for myself.

2pm:
Because of lackluster gymming this morning, I decide to do 3 sets each of squats, dips, lunges and push-ups….and the effort leaves me panting on the floor and wondering how often they vacuum here.

Other than the intern, I still have yet to interact with any humans.

It's like a friggin zombie movie here, and deathly quiet. In fact, I take a moment out of what is turning into an extremely busy day to look outside for the decaying undead. No such luck.

Then I spend the next 20 minutes looking for my shoe, which I had kicked off to exercise….

3pm:
I am wrapped in my Snuggie and my blanket and wondering if we've hit some kind of freaky indoor ice age. I decide to pay bills like the responsible grownup that I am. I also renew my car registration, only 3 days late. Go me!

I check outside again for zombies. I still don't see any. They must be hiding.

4pm:
Don't mind me, just alternating between writing this blog post and checking outside for zombies. I have decided that my best course of action when they get here is to hook my staplers together to make staple-chucks. I'm a lot like the MacGyver of killin' zombies.

Or perhaps I should use my zombie whispering skills and make hoardes of undead my minions….keeping a New Year's resolution for once.

It's 4:45 now and I'm all caught up with myself.
Also I'm exhausted…that's probably a part of the hypothermia setting in.

Stay warm, folks. I'm outta here.